You can't do it all

You can't do it all. Not by yourself. Not a chance.

We've all tried it, though, haven't we? Especially those of us who are recovering Type A's. We're the ones who take point on the projects, not trusting that they will get finished if we don't steer the ship. Surely we've all had times when we take on the full load because we want to know that a job is done 100% correct. It seems necessary to be a part of every detail to ensure all the bases are covered.

In the midst of that project, another one crops up, and you think you can eek it out, too. Slowly but surely, you work longer hours, take fewer breaks. PTO - what's that? 12:00 appears twice in your waking hours. You forget (or don't make time) to eat. You cancel plans with the people you care about, making excuses for your "crazy-busy schedule."

Me? Guilty as charged.

And thankfully, I'm not alone. Apparently Moses was a bit of a work hoarder, too. In Exodus 18, we see that he's taken the reigns as judge over Israel. Completely qualified and with only good intentions, Moses serves the people "from morning till evening" (v. 13). All day, he listened to cases and made decisions. He heard testimonies and in his wisdom had to decide the outcome. The people came to him to seek God's will when they had a dispute. What a responsibility!

Finally, Moses' father-in-law stepped in and called his attention to the impact this schedule was having on his health and well-being. Join me in observing Jethro's wisdom:

"When his father-in-law saw all that Moses was doing for the people, he said, 'What is this you are doing for the people? Why do you alone sit as judge while these people stand around you from morning till evening?...What you are doing is not good. You and these people who come to you will only wear yourselves out. The work is too heavy for you; you cannot handle it alone. Listen now to me and I will give you some advice, and may God be with you. You must be the people's representative before God and bring their disputes to Him...But select capable men from all the people - men who fear God, trustworthy men who hate dishonest gain - and appoint them as officials...Have them serve as judges for the people at all times, but have them bring every difficult case to you; the simple cases they can decide themselves. That will make your load lighter, because they will share it with you. If you do this and God so commands, you will be able to stand the strain, and all these people will go home satisfied" (v. 14-23).

A few points that stick out to me:

• It took an "outsider" who cared about Moses to see the stress he was experiencing and confront him about it (so often, we simply cannot see it ourselves, or if we do, we won't acknowledge it until confronted by someone we love)
• Jethro approached Moses with an admonition but also with a solution (he didn't just scold Moses for taking on too much)
• Jethro gently reproached Moses, but he left the response in God's hands (no matter how much they care, no one can make a person respond to reproach - only God can change a heart)
• The result of Moses delegating authority would be less strain for him and satisfaction for the people (it is not only for our benefit that we learn to share the load - it will benefit others, as well)

Recently, God blessed me richly with an opportunity at work to delegate a number of tasks to a new employee in a pseudo-manager work relationship. With a tendency to hold things closely, it took me awhile to feel comfortable delegating these tasks so that I could a) experience relief, and b) have the opportunity to pursue more strategic responsibilities. 

The key here is that I had to trust this person. I don't believe God advocates for us to relinquish important things to untrustworthy people. In verse 21, Jethro commands Moses to "(...)select capable men from all the people - men who fear God, trustworthy men who hate dishonest gain(...)" After a period of vetting, I realized that this person could be trusted to take on the work and to ask the right questions if he was unsure of the answer.

God has granted me significant relief through the blessing of this new employee, not only at work, but in my personal life. He continues to teach me to slow down and enjoy time with Him and the people I love. I can't do it all. I don't WANT to do it all. We cannot succeed in isolation - we have to learn to depend on each other. 

May I continue to learn how to share the load - both in releasing my hold on certain things and in taking on new things to help others.

That's not my job

Now wait just a minute. Don't worry - I'm not trying to take the easy way out of something, and I'm not trying to create more work for you. I'm not falling ill to the entitlement syndrome that is plaguing our society and telling you that I'm above hard work.

No, this is a rather different sort of post.

Today, I saw the movie "Philomena," and my mind has been occupied all day with one of its core themes: forgiveness. I won't spoil the film for those of you who plan to see it, so I'll be vague. Throughout the film, there is a particular injustice that causes your defenses to rise, and you just want to see a certain person (or group of people) face the music. You want to see her/them called to account and forced to face the pain they caused so many people. So, when the opportune moment arises, it almost deflated me when instead of wrath, forgiveness was offered.

After recovering from my shock, I was ashamed. I started thinking through what exactly I wanted to happen in that moment of reckoning. I think the most important thing to me was that this person/these people learned a lesson. I wanted to ensure that there was no doubt of the pain that was caused, and I wanted to see remorse.

But we don't always get what we want. And when we have seen someone experience the consequences for sin, how many of us have felt sick that what we hoped for actually happened? Paul reminds us that God promises He is in control, and we should not take revenge:

"Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God..." (Romans 12:19)

Forgiveness is not forgetting what happened but releasing it and not allowing the cold hand of Bitterness to strangle the life out of your heart. It is not our job to teach others a lesson - it is our job to forgive.

I attended the Prestonwood Women's Retreat a few weekends ago, and was blessed to sit under the teaching of Jennifer Rothschild and Stormie Omartian. I took home so many gems of truth from the retreat that you can be sure you'll hear more about it in the months to come. One of the key take-aways from Stormie, a woman who experienced tremendous trials as a child that grew in her a deep bitterness towards her mother, was about forgiveness. Simple and true, she said,

"Forgiveness doesn't make the other person right - it makes you free."

In the wise words of Philomena, she agreed. Below is the brief dialogue between her and a reporter who had become her companion on a journey to find out the truth about the past. When the truth was discovered, he did not like it...

Philomena: I forgive you (Catholic nun) because I don't want to remain angry.

<Martin (i.e. reporter) exclaims in shock and disagreement>

Philomena: But I don't wanna hate people. I don't wanna be like you (Martin). Look at you.
Martin: I'm angry.
Philomena: Must be exhausting.

Anger and bitterness can turn us into different people, and it is EXHAUSTING. Forgiveness frees us. Once we let go of the selfish desire to be proven right or justified, we are free to heal and get stronger. It's not easy...it never is. But it's what God did for us, and what we ought to do for others:

"Our Father in heaven...forgive us our sins, as we have forgiven those who sin against us" (Matt 6:19-13).

"Husbands...treat her (your wife) as you should so your prayers will not be hindered" (1 Peter 3:7).

"So if you are presenting a sacrifice at the alter in the Temple and you suddenly remember that someone has something against you, leave your sacrifice there at the alter. Go and be reconciled to that person. Then come and offer your sacrifice to God" (Matthew 5:23-24).

Needles down, please

It's time we stop spinning webs.

Have we become expert spinners? We can spin one complex, intelligent (and convoluted), high-stakes web or several seemingly innocent, inconsequential strands that we hold onto (or that hold onto us) for next time. Our needles are actively at work, sometimes without us even realizing it.

What are we spinning?

Webs of lies.

In the message this morning, Pastor Chuck referenced a few anonymous surveys that provide eye-opening research on what people really think, which exposed that lying is an ongoing habit in our lives. Think about this: How would you answer questions that probe into your real beliefs about God, people, money, etc., if you knew no one would associate your answers with you?

Now, there are outright LIES that are crafted and planned to cause harm and deception, and there are the ones that seem to creep up on us. I think these are the ones that can be the most insidious (i.e. causing harm in a way that is gradual or not easily noticed.). These are the lies that get us out of a sticky situation we haven't had a chance to think through or "protect" someone's feelings or the ones that speak volumes when we do not say a word when we should.

The remedy? William Barclay put it well when he said, "Telling the truth demands a deliberate effort." Chuck recommended the following suggestions and related questions. These will keep you thinking...

1. BEFORE (think ahead):

• Is what I'm about to say the truth?
• Should I speak or remain silent?
• Do I feel under pressure in this gathering?
• Is this confidential information?
• Am I about to cheat? (when you cheat, you lie to yourself)

2. DURING (ask yourself):

• Am I saying this correctly with the right facts?
• Should I be giving someone else credit for this?
• Am I exaggerating?
• Am I holding back something that should be said? (don't let your silence lead others to believe you agree with what is being said if you don't)

3. AFTER (consider this):

• Do I regret what I just said? (asking this question with an open heart gives the Holy Spirit freedom to work)
• Should I get back in touch to tell them I was wrong?
• How could I have said what I said in a better way?
• Was I trying to hide something when I said that?

These questions are convicting in general, as I consider my own speech, and specifically when I think about certain situations I have experienced. Let's all be proactive as we monitor our speech and work to keep each other accountable, as well as offer grace when we fall short.

en·joy

A few years ago (2008, to be exact), I took on a challenge from my Dad to focus on one word for the year: flexible. The goal was for me to open myself up to unplanned opportunities and be a bit more spontaneous.

What a life-changing challenge! It really shifted my perspective. I went from begrudgingly muttering the word to myself when an unplanned "opportunity" arose to welcoming the unexpected.

All this to say, I still prefer to plan things in advance, but there is joy and pleasure in the spontaneous. There are smiles to be had and feelings to experience that can only be the product of an impromptu event. I won't miss out on those anymore!

The events of last year led me to a word for this year: enjoy.

en·joy [en-joi] 

verb (used with object)
1. to experience with joy; take pleasure in.
2. to have and use with satisfaction; have the benefit of.

Synonyms
1. appreciate, fancy, relish, savor.

God wants us to enjoy our time with Him and pursuing His will for our lives, not the fleeting pleasures of the world. It doesn't get much better than 1 Timothy 6:17:

"As for the rich in this world, charge them not to be proud and arrogant and contemptuous of others, nor to set their hopes on uncertain riches, but on God, Who richly and ceaselessly provides us with everything for [our] enjoyment."

As I look to make this word my theme for 2014, my goal is to take time to savor, experience, take pleasure in, make memories, and develop deep gratitude for certain things in my life.

• I want to enjoy my time with the Lord.
  (spend more time praying and thinking and worshiping and singing, not rushing through a checklist)
• I want to enjoy rest.
  (take time in the evenings and on the weekends to unplug and just simply rest without guilt about not filling every second with productivity)
• I want to enjoy time with the people I love.
  (laughing, loving, hugging, listening, talking, sharing, growing, challenging, admiring)
• I want to enjoy work.
  (whether at the office or getting things done at home, I want to think through what I'm doing and be thankful for the responsibility, enjoying the abilities God has given me)

Sometimes, a picture says it best. This picture (courtesy of my sister), will serve as a reminder to me of my approach for 2014:

2013 Year End Review: Books & Movies

Do you remember sticky notes? I say "do you remember" because I use them less and less when I'm at home and put reminders on a digital calendar that chirps at me throughout the day. I do still use sticky notes at work, though...there's just something so satisfying about crumpling one up and tossing it in the trash when you've completed the task.

Well, speaking of the transition from paper to digital, I've done the same thing with lists. Using the Evernote app, I keep track of many different lists throughout the year: books read, movies seen, groceries to buy, gift ideas, etc. They come in super-handy when I want to take a look back at what I've accomplished or what I need to remember for the future.

Here is my list of books read in 2013:

• The Bridge - Karen Kingsbury
• Still LOLO - Lauren Scruggs & Family
• Step on a Crack - James Patterson
• Calico Joe - John Grisham
• Sacred Search - Gary Thomas
• Quiet Influence: The Romans 12:1 Woman - Diane Strack
• Full Disclosure - Dee Henderson
• God's Gift - Dee Henderson
• Fifteen Minutes - Karen Kingsbury
• Unspoken - Dee Henderson
• The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett
• The New Testament

I definitely got hooked on Dee Henderson. About 10 years ago, I read her O'Malley series of books and was enthralled. She is a very gifted writer, and it's hard to put her books down. I should get those O'Malley books out again...

Here is my list of movies watched in 2013:

• Les Miserables
• Star Trek: Into Darkness
• Superman: Man of Steel
• 42: The Jackie Robinson Story
• Despicable Me (I)
• The Butler
• Catching Fire
• Elf (for the 10th time or so...:))
• The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug

The list of movies doesn't look that long this year. I saw bits and pieces of other movies while traveling, but none of them were super memorable.

Keeping track of things like books and movies helps me put the year in perspective as well. I have a strong appreciation for the arts and usually feel a deep sense of connection with the characters and events in a book or movie. While I do not have photographic memory, when I make those connections and think back on them later, it transports me to that time in my life and other joys and challenges I may have been experiencing. 

Well, I guess it's time to start my 2014 lists!

Another year is dawning

Over the past two to three months, Chuck preached a series he titled "What If...?" The last message, "What If You Were to Die Tonight?" was supposed to take place on 12/8/13, but the ice storms pushed it out two weeks (We had the pleasure of experiencing the Christmas concert during church last week since it also had to be rescheduled, and it was a full house for both services!).

In a sobering way, I think (well, I know) it was providential for this message to be the last one of 2013 and lead us into the new year. Thinking about death - its inevitability, its mystery, its unpredictable nature - brings life into perspective. It makes me think differently about what happened this year, what I'm anxious about in the coming year, and what I hope for in life.

With the impending flip of the calendar into the new year in mind, we also sang a well-chosen hymn that can be a strong prayer for 2014: "Another Year is Dawning."

"Another year is dawning, Dear Father, let it be,
In working or in waiting, Another year with Thee;
Another year of progress, Another year of praise,
Another year of proving Thy presence all the days.

Another year of mercies, Of faithfulness and grace;
Another year of gladness, In the shining of Thy face;
Another year of leaning Upon Thy loving breast;
Another year of trusting, Of quiet, happy rest.

Another year of service, Of witness for Thy love;
Another year of training For holier work above.
Another year is dawning, Dear Father let it be,
On earth or else in heaven, Another year for Thee."

These words stood out to me the most:

• In working or in waiting...
• Another year of progress...
• Another year of leaning...
• Another year of trusting...
• Another year of training...

In looking ahead to the coming year, I can see areas of my life that will include each of these - waiting, progress, leaning, trusting, training. And I'm sure there are areas that are not on my radar that will require one or more. 

May I be open to all of these growth opportunities in the coming year. And may you be open to everything the Lord wants to do in your heart and life in 2014.

You've got mail

It's about time I took a few days off from work. Best decision so far? Changing the settings on my phone to see only my personal email instead of "all" email (which included work). I really dislike having "unread" email in my inbox, so it was hard to come to terms with not keeping track of incoming mail and deleting/filing/responding to it in the moment. Even if I planned to only look and not respond, I know myself well enough to know that seeing the content of the emails would stir up thoughts in my mind about what needed to be done when I actually could address some of the emails, and that would take away any sense of freedom over the next few days. Does your mind work like that?

Like I said - best decision.

Yesterday reminded me of what life was like prior to three months ago. I spent a leisurely 3 1/2 hours with a sweet friend at La Madeleine. We caught up on Christmas activities and recent happenings, shed some tears but laughed the tears to shame, and shared prayer requests.

I had TIME. Time to run errands or just browse. Time to linger. Time to not feel rushed. Time to read. Time to clean. Time to cook.

One of my favorite verses is Psalm 90:12, "Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom." I once read a translation that worded the first phrase, "Teach us to make the most of our time..." In our personal lives, we often associate "making the most of our time" as not wasting time, which is typically defined as laziness or sleeping in. In the workplace, not "making the most of your time" may mean laziness or it could actually mean you just couldn't cram enough stuff in a certain amount of time. You could be doing all the right things but just didn't get the project completed in time. Some people may criticize that you didn't work enough hours or that you shouldn't have taken lunch, etc.

But what if we redefined "making the most of our time?" What if it meant resting when our bodies need it and working more reasonable schedules? As a colleague of mine says, "The emails will still be there tomorrow."

Why do I feel like I have to respond to everything as soon as it happens? Honestly? I feel the need to respond real-time for a number of reasons:

• Yes, it WILL still be there tomorrow, but so will 50 other emails. If I don't resolve it now, it will continue to pile up.
• In my profession, a lack of response could affect someone's health and wellness, in some cases.
• I'm a people-pleaser - I want to take care of things as quickly for others as I would like them to be taken care of for me.
• Everyone thinks their needs are a top priority.

But life is more than work. God created us with five senses so we could enjoy things: see a sunset, smell the flowers, taste chocolate, feel the cool sheets as we slide into bed at night, and hear the morning songs of the birds. If we're working all the time, we can't enjoy these things.

Let's work on finding a better balance - making better use of our time. Work hard and well for the Lord, and then relax and play hard...for the Lord.

Making good use of ice

It's been over two years since the ice storm of 2011 here in the Dallas area. Two years since I moved apartments during one of the coldest winter storms I've ever experienced. The bitter cold of that storm gradually faded, although there are certain things I'll always remember:

• my car sliding on a sheet of ice on the way to work the next day
• the heat going out in one apartment while moving into another (yes, my sister and I moved apartments during the ice storm - crazy!)
• red noses and blue finger tips
• renewed appreciation for central heating

Now, almost three years later, we just survived "Icemageddon" or "Icepocalypse" 2013, and what a storm! Sheets of ice covering the roads, icicles encapsulating leaves and hanging off gates and roofs, and the icy fingers of the chilling wind poking through jackets and sweaters. In many regards, it was a nuisance of a storm. One or two days of being homebound was tolerable. It gave us all a chance to lounge in our pj's, pad around in thick socks, and eat comfort food.

After two days, though, feelings started to change. My Facebook feed was full of friends who were stir crazy or without power or food. Schools remained closed for a few more days, the highways were treacherous to maneuver on the way to work, and black ice caught both drivers and pedestrians by surprise.

Looking back at the storm, it is easy to think about how frustrating it was and how it inconvenienced many, forced the rescheduling or cancellation of plans, led to hospital visits, and caused heartache for those who lost loved ones. I doubt very few would look back on this storm fondly.

As I walked outside today, the sounds of melting filled my ears. I heard dripping and running water - saw it sliding off trees and buildings. The ice sheets that once covered driveways are now melting into the yards.

And what was once a treacherous, painful, inconvenient ice storm is now a source of nourishment and replenishment.

The analogy filled my heart today as I've experienced my own "ice storm" these past many weeks. How will God use this time to nourish me? To develop character? To grow me into the woman He wants me to be?

When I ask myself these questions, I am less frustrated with the storm and more curious with the outcome. May we be receptive to how He plans to use the ice storms in our lives.

Psalm 90:12

Take delight

"Take delight in the LORD, and He will give you your heart's desires." Psalm 37:4

At first glance, this verse looks like the solution to any problem. "If I 'delight' in God, He will give me what I want!" Out of context, I think this is how most people interpret the verse - it's how I used to read it. You see the verse on t-shirts and coffee mugs, refrigerator magnets and desk calendars.

In my teens and early twenties, I started to hear a different message - one that didn't make me feel so good at the time. It was explained that when I delight in God, He will remove my desires and give me His desires. The pride and independence in me frowned at the thought. I like my desires, and they're not *bad.* Why can't He grant them? Why did He give them to me if He's not going to fulfill them?

Fast forward to today. God has been hard at work in my life in ways I never imagined. The things I thought I would never do (because I didn't think I would like them or think I would be able to do them), I am doing. There are things I thought I would have done by now - relationships, goals, etc. - that haven't happened yet. And that's okay.

This week, I've heard two messages that focus on Psalm 37:4, and both explained it in a way I feel I've never heard before (or maybe my heart is just finally ready to accept it). When we delight in the Lord above all else, He gives us what become the desires of our hearts. When we set aside what we THINK we want, He gives us what we never realized we wanted and needed.

Louie Giglio gave a humorous example. He grew up in Georgia and never had Mexican food. Ever. Then, he met his wife and tried enchiladas for the first time with her family. Eh. They were okay. He got used to having them when he and Shelly visited her family.

THEN, he discovered nachos - with jalapenos! Again, growing up in Georgia, he was raised on mashed potatoes and fried chicken and other mild/bland foods. The jalapeno was quite a shock! And now? Now, Louie craves nachos. Shelly has to help him not overdo it, especially at night.

So, maybe that is what our journey is like. We have these human desires, good or bad, that are limited because we can't even imagine what God has for us (Ephesians 3:20). When we finally surrender those desires and allow ourselves to completely delight in God, He gives us the gift of His desires for us, and we experience a joy greater than we could have ever imagined. It may awhile to see and appreciate the change (like it took the introduction of enchiladas to open Louie up to the idea of Mexican food), but we reach a point where we cannot imagine our life before we knew the goodness of delighting in the Lord and His desires for us. This is a GOOD word! It's not second-rate.

My prayer is to learn more and more how to delight in God above all else and allow Him to give me the desires of my heart.

The best kind of day

Have you ever heard someone say "Have a blessed day!" in passing?

Yesterday, on my way into work, I overheard a woman greet one of the security guards, and her parting words to him were "Have a blessed day!" I've heard this phrase a number of times in a similar context, but for some reason it really made me pause and reflect.

What exactly does it mean when someone tells you to have a blessed day?

• Is it a command? "You need to have a blessed day."
• Is it a prayer? "I'm praying that your day is full of blessings."
• Is it a superstition? "I think if I tell you to have a blessed day, it will be better than if I didn't."

After thinking through these options, I settled on one that I plan to focus on as we enter the Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays. When I think of the phrase "Have a blessed day," I am going to interpret it as "Spend this day focused on the God-given blessings in your life."

The Bible is full of messages about how God blesses us. One of the richest chapters about God's blessings is Matthew 5 where we find the Sermon on the Mount.

Among the blessings, Jesus tells the people that God will bless those who realize their need for Him. When we truly reflect on the sin in our lives, it should bring us to our knees as we recognize how badly we need His grace and how good He is to offer it to us. He blessed us by giving His life to free us from sin (Titus 2:14 and John 3:16-17).

He blesses those who work for peace, who are pure, and who show mercy (Matt 5).

God blesses us with spiritual blessings.

When we think about our life in a first world country, blessings should spill from our lips: food, clothing, shelter, electricity, clean water, freedom of religion...comforts, restaurants, cars, jobs, entertainment. What about the things we would more easily recognize if we lived in a third world country: five senses, warm sunlight, cool shadows, genuine smiles, heart-felt hugs, time to reflect, words to articulate feelings and music to fill the gaps?

If we take the time to consider our blessings, every day will be "blessed."