Just like that!

         

And just like that...it's been one year!

I never knew so much could happen in a year - so many emotions (LOVE, joy, sadness, elation, pain, gratitude, anxiety), so many experiences. I could never articulate it all, but I must find some way to preserve these memories. And so I write...

HE KNOWS ME. Looking into the eyes of my son and seeing recognition and love is one of the most beautiful experiences in all my life. There's a song by Audrey Assad called "Known" where she likens the way God knows us to the way a mother knows her baby's face. How comforting that God knows me so intimately...and I can only somewhat grasp it by the minutes and hours I've spent staring at my sweet James, taking in every inch of him.

RESEARCH. New parenthood can be such a battlefield of the mind. You want to believe you'll "know" your child and what is best for him or her. Then, when you doubt, you think it might be good to research, but you read conflicting things online. So you ask your pediatrician, but even their advice doesn't always seem right. PRAY. 

COGNITIVE DEVELOPMENT. It is SO fun to teach James new skills. Once he reached about 9 months, he really started interacting with us and his environment so much more. He is a very thoughtful person, considering moves before he makes them (which makes this Mama very happy). He's already in the habit of furrowing his brow as he ponders what move to make next or tries to figure something out. Sometimes his lack of sleep can all be summed up in a clear mental leap (like when he learned to say "Ba, bah, bah" or stand up in his crib, etc.). He always loses sleep when he's gaining a new ability. 

TIME. I had no idea that time could seem so different. On days of little sleep, time dragged on. When you've got a screaming baby in the car seat and miles to go, minutes seem like an eternity (and then there is the question of whether or not you want them to cry themselves to sleep or if that will just mean minutes of driving around aimlessly to aid a car nap). On the other hand, when you finally get your baby down for a nap, 45 minutes goes by in a SNAP! You learn to accomplish chores in half the time it used to take. 

BABY-WEARING IS A LIFESAVER! At first, he didn't like it very much when he had to face me, but once his neck was strong enough, facing outwards was a win! We struggled with a lot of spit-up, and ultimately figured out the best thing to do was wear James in the baby carrier for 15-20 minutes after every feeding to minimize the milk loss. Initially, it was a daunting proposition - he was nursing 7-8 times a day! However, it quickly became routine, and James learned to really enjoy the carrier, and we still use it. Wearing James in the carrier is not only great for chores around the house but also for going on walks outside. He feels close to me and safe, yet he can move his legs around and have some mobility. 

NAPS. James didn't nap on his own until he was about 5 months old. And there are still times he doesn't nap well. BUT, he takes at least one a day. They are so good for us both. Whether I nap or get things done around the house, it is such a great time to clear my mind, refresh, and gear up for the rest of the day. And I LOVE to pick him up from naps. If he's happy, I treasure the excitement in his eyes. If he is upset/sad, I soak up the snuggles. 

CAR RIDES. Woah. I haven't yet experienced a forward-facing carseat, but I can tell you the backwards facing ones sometimes make it really hard to comfort a crying baby. Our car has become a treasure trove of toys. Here's the trick I've learned: Let him start with 2-3 toys and keep the rest up front with me. He inevitably drops or throws a toy on the ground, so I just keep cycling them back to him! When there is someone else in the car, it helps a lot. One person drives, the other person plays with James. 

BREASTMILK IS LIKE GOLD. Whoever said "Don't cry over spilled milk" never spilled breastmilk. I didn't spill it...but I didn't get the freezer door shut on my stash of over 300 oz and lost every drop. It was devastating. I was probably as upset as I've ever been (except for maybe one other occasion). It felt like part of me died. I'd worked so hard to pump and save the milk for James. I had kept waking up in the middle of the night to pump when I could have been sleeping.After I calmed down some, I realized a few things: 1) God gave my body the ability to create the milk before, and He could do it again, 2) James was healthy and happy and growing, 3) I am not in control!

God is teaching me many things in life through becoming a mother. There is much else to say, but I will save it for another time.
There's that word again: "Time." It is short and long. Soak up and praise God through every special moment and pray through every challenging one.

You've got mail

It's about time I took a few days off from work. Best decision so far? Changing the settings on my phone to see only my personal email instead of "all" email (which included work). I really dislike having "unread" email in my inbox, so it was hard to come to terms with not keeping track of incoming mail and deleting/filing/responding to it in the moment. Even if I planned to only look and not respond, I know myself well enough to know that seeing the content of the emails would stir up thoughts in my mind about what needed to be done when I actually could address some of the emails, and that would take away any sense of freedom over the next few days. Does your mind work like that?

Like I said - best decision.

Yesterday reminded me of what life was like prior to three months ago. I spent a leisurely 3 1/2 hours with a sweet friend at La Madeleine. We caught up on Christmas activities and recent happenings, shed some tears but laughed the tears to shame, and shared prayer requests.

I had TIME. Time to run errands or just browse. Time to linger. Time to not feel rushed. Time to read. Time to clean. Time to cook.

One of my favorite verses is Psalm 90:12, "Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom." I once read a translation that worded the first phrase, "Teach us to make the most of our time..." In our personal lives, we often associate "making the most of our time" as not wasting time, which is typically defined as laziness or sleeping in. In the workplace, not "making the most of your time" may mean laziness or it could actually mean you just couldn't cram enough stuff in a certain amount of time. You could be doing all the right things but just didn't get the project completed in time. Some people may criticize that you didn't work enough hours or that you shouldn't have taken lunch, etc.

But what if we redefined "making the most of our time?" What if it meant resting when our bodies need it and working more reasonable schedules? As a colleague of mine says, "The emails will still be there tomorrow."

Why do I feel like I have to respond to everything as soon as it happens? Honestly? I feel the need to respond real-time for a number of reasons:

• Yes, it WILL still be there tomorrow, but so will 50 other emails. If I don't resolve it now, it will continue to pile up.
• In my profession, a lack of response could affect someone's health and wellness, in some cases.
• I'm a people-pleaser - I want to take care of things as quickly for others as I would like them to be taken care of for me.
• Everyone thinks their needs are a top priority.

But life is more than work. God created us with five senses so we could enjoy things: see a sunset, smell the flowers, taste chocolate, feel the cool sheets as we slide into bed at night, and hear the morning songs of the birds. If we're working all the time, we can't enjoy these things.

Let's work on finding a better balance - making better use of our time. Work hard and well for the Lord, and then relax and play hard...for the Lord.

Do you have time?

If you've read any part of the book of Proverbs, you've seen the word "wisdom" more times than you can count. The book is full of literary devices that support this focus: personification of wisdom as a woman, analogies, and comparison and contrast between the wise and the fool.

Sometimes, I have wondered at the definition of "fool." Does this mean a person who just doesn't get it? Can't get it? Chooses not to get it?

Dr. Michael Easley spoke this morning about the book of Proverbs and gaining wisdom, and he addressed the idea of the fool. He made it clear that the term "fool" is not a definition of capacity but of choice. For example:

• "Fools have no interest in understanding; they only want to air their own opinions." Proverbs 18:2
• "Fools think their own way is right, but the wise listen to others." Proverbs 12:15
• "A single rebuke does more for a person of understanding than a hundred lashes on the back of a fool." Proverbs 17:10

Acquiring wisdom is an intentional pursuit and a lifelong process. It takes time. It's not something we can find in a bookstore or online. It's not a degree we can finish in 2-4 years. It's a daily pursuit.

If I were to name a "life verse," it would be Psalm 90:12: "Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom."

I am a time-oriented person. I've learned how to plan the right amount of time for certain things. My top love language is quality time. When you give me your time, that speaks love to me. By the same token, when we spend time with God and the things of God, that shows our love and devotion. We should spend time with Him, in His Word, and with godly people as we seek to gain wisdom.

Society tells us that we don't have enough time to get things done. After all, many shows on tv are "one hour" or "thirty minutes," but they really last a fraction of that time because of commercials, which are themselves short and sweet and have to be super-catchy to grab our attention. Our attention spans grow shorter and shorter as we seek to fit the most into a 6.5-second Vine video or a 140-character tweet. We can't sit and carry a conversation at lunch without checking our phone for updates.

But if we set all of that aside and retrain our minds to focus, we find that we have plenty of time for the important things. So maybe the real question is not "Do you have time?" but "Will you make time?"