A good reminder

Have you ever just needed someone to snap you out of your current mindset or limited perspective? Sometimes we know it and fight it; other times, we don't even realize it!

Can I just say right now that there are SO many resources out there about pregnancy? So. Many. I went through a time period in the first trimester where I tried to absorb everything I could get my hands on. Then, I realized that I was reading too much. Thinking too much. *Worrying* too much. The plethora of information was overwhelming and causing some anxiety.

So, I stepped back for a bit. Shifted my focus. Got into a better mindset.

Later in the second trimester and during the third trimester, with a better mindset in tow, I tiptoed back into doing a little bit of research (because goodness knows this baby is coming!). My perspective was that knowledge could help prepare me not to be anxious - the opposite of how I'd approached knowledge previously. My goal was to learn a few things about labor and delivery so that *IF* one of those situations comes up in my own L&D, I wouldn't be as anxious in the moment because I would have heard of them before and seen how they could be addressed. Instead of having a pessimistic outlook (thinking "this is going to happen to me, I just know it"), my aim was to have a realistic/positive outlook (thinking "this might happen to me, and if it does, I'm going to take it in stride").

The approach has worked for the most part...up until last week. At my latest doctor's appointment on Wednesday, I was clearly progressing towards labor (ladies, just imagine some positive stats), and the doctor gave me a 50/50 chance of making to this Wednesday's appointment without going into labor beforehand. One of the positive stats was that she tracked fairly regular contractions. I had called in two days before the appointment about the contractions because they were occurring with some regularity and were pretty strong. When I called and spoke to the nurse, I got the impression that she thought "Awww...first time mom thinks she's having contractions at the 37-week point." I was told to call back if the contractions got painful, my water broke, etc., and otherwise they would see me on Wednesday. So, I felt a little justified when the monitor at the appointment confirmed the contractions. The doctor still said I should wait to officially track the contractions until they hurt and sent me on my way with the expectation that she might see me before this coming Wednesday.

Let's just say the contractions have lasted the whole week. Here's my concern: I'm an athlete. Or, at least I was in my school days, and I like to think I stay decently active. Anyways, I've dislocated a shoulder twice, hyper-extended a knee, shattered a wrist in 7 places, and broken both feet and an elbow in one fall (that one's a story for another day...). So I'm a little worried that I have a high pain tolerance and that when the doctor says I should start tracking contractions when they are painful...will I know when?

This week, I've been really looking into other mother's birth stories and progressions: Did their water break? Did they have the typical contractions that got to 5-1-1 before they went into the hospital? Well, it turns out, only around 15% of women's water breaks on its own - the rest have it broken at the hospital during labor. And I know a number of women who did not have the typical contraction situation (or didn't even go into labor and had to be induced). Ack!

Unfortunately, I've allowed these differences and questions to fog my mind and cause doubt and concern. Even last night, Jacob and I sat on the couch and counted the contractions for an hour, and they occurred with a 6-min frequency, lasting about 1-min each. BUT THEY DIDN'T *HURT*. What does that mean? I called the on-call physician, and she echoed my doctor: Until they hurt, I probably don't need to grab my hospital bag. She did say I could go to the hospital for monitoring or wait them out until morning. We decided to wait.

Back to the purpose of this post. This afternoon,a friend texted me to check in on how I am feeling. I relayed the latest update to her, and she told me that her water broke with all three of her pregnancies. Then, she said something simple and profound - exactly what I needed:

"Isn't it amazing how we all have different experiences in bringing life into this world?"

Before I really had time to think, I responded "Yes - I think it forces us to place our trust in God more. There is no one formula!"

And then I sat there and let the thought wash over me. My words made sense, but am I living them? Am I trusting God in the midst of the unknown? Maybe in some moments of the day, but there have definitely been moments of frustration and uncertainty where I should have turned to God first.

With a renewed perspective, I go into the night and this week casting my anxieties on my Father because He cares for me (1 Peter 5:7). We will see what tomorrow brings.

How many life events can I pack into a year and a half?

So many emotions and thoughts fill my mind and heart as I consider the past year and a half. A few people have commented recently that there is no way we could squeeze more major life events into such a short amount of time. When I stop to think about it, we sure have lived a whirlwind since August of 2014. I decided to create a timeline of major events to help me put into perspective the things that have tugged at my emotions at times and made me feel more vulnerable than usual.

*My grandfather actually passed away while we were on our honeymoon, so add death in the family to the list.

I’ve found myself quicker to tear up and become anxious at times, and I get frustrated because that is not typical Allyson. BUT, when I think about all of the big changes we’ve been through, I’ve decided to give myself a little grace. My desire is to turn to the Lord when I feel overwhelmed (Phil 4:6-9), and it’s been so helpful for people I love remind me of His faithfulness when my perspective gets clouded.

As I review the timeline and consider all that has happened, I am reminded of the Lord’s faithfulness:

• At 28 years old, my longest prayed prayer was finally answered through an unexpected meeting in Colorado Springs at a Focus on the Family conference that I attended by myself: I met my future husband. I have seen (and I’m sure will continue to see as the years go by) so many different small prayers about my husband answered in Jacob’s past and his character. We see how God prepared us for each other at times when we found ourselves wondering what the future held.

• Moving to Kansas after our marriage and proposing a work-from-home situation to my boss gave me an opportunity to prove I could be just as productive remotely in a typically non-remote role, which paved the way for me to continue being able to work remotely as I struggle with constant, daily pain while we wait for an opportunity to address the issue once our son arrives. I don’t know if I would have been allowed to work remotely due to the pain if I had not already worked from home when we moved to Kansas.

• Jacob passed the CFA and God paved the way for us to move to Texas right at the beginning of the pregnancy. The opportunity to experience this pregnancy with my family has been so special, and it’s been such a lifesaver with having regular physical therapy and other doctor’s appointments to have extra help.

I’ve also recognized the need to begin releasing our son to the Lord even before he joins us in person. I’ve caught myself thinking “As soon as he is born, I won’t have to worry anymore about each sharp pain or discomfort of pregnancy because I’ll be able to see him and know he’s alright.” But his birth will begin a new process of lifting him up to the Lord. I can only work to be a good steward of the opportunity God has given me to mother my son, but I cannot protect him from all harm or know where he is all the time (when he’s older), etc. What I can rely on is the fact that God knows my sweet little boy more intimately than I ever will.

"For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be" (Psalm 139:13-16)

How incredible to read that God knows my son’s frame even as it is still being woven together inside of me. He knows exactly when he was conceived. He knows what organs formed and when. He knows when the eyelashes came in and when he started to be able to hear my voice. He knows the exact time and date of my son’s birth.

How can I not trust Him, the Creator?

And so my prayer is that I will turn to Him in the moments I feel overwhelmed and ask Him to “search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting” (Psalm 139:23-24).

When is he/He coming?

A few days ago, a really intriguing analogy popped into my head, and I’ve been marinating in it like a good, juicy chicken dish. At 32 weeks pregnant, I know the best thing for Baby B is to keep cooking until 40 weeks; however, I’ve heard enough real-life stories recently to know a few things:

• Babies don’t know there are American Academy of Pediatric (AAP) rules/standards/odds for when they should arrive
• Babies don’t tell you when they are coming
• The third trimester pretty much means anything goes

The third trimester also means I’ve got a heavy case of nesting going on. There are all sorts of preparations to make:

• Assembling furniture
• Organizing clothes
• Stacking diapers
• Figuring out “systems” for how to organize baby stuff (although I’m sure all these “systems” will be subject to change once our little man appears on the scene and teaches us a lesson or two!)

As I think about the fact that 1) I have no idea when he will arrive, and 2) we are busy making preparations so we will be ready, I am reminded of the second coming of Christ.

• Only the Father knows when He will return (Matthew 24:36) 
• We are advised to “keep watch” and “be alert” because we do not know when He will come (Matthew 24:42; Mark 13:32-33) 
• We should devote ourselves to prayer with an attitude of thanksgiving (Colossians 4:2)
• We must prepare for His return, intentionally putting on faith and hope and encouraging each other (1 Thessalonians 5:1-11)

Am I preparing my heart for Christ’s return like I’m preparing for the arrival of Baby B? They are both imminent, although I *feel* more connected to Baby B since he is physically inside of me, moving around. And yet, isn’t the Holy Spirit inside of me, stirring me to action?

I’ve got more thinking to do about this analogy, but it’s captured my attention!

The symptoms and other random thoughts

As I mentioned in a previous post, I've done some* research on pregnancy over the past few months because I basically just knew generalities.

(*Okay, by "some," I mean too much. I've learned through this process that while it can be helpful to read/hear some challenges and setbacks so I'm not totally unnerved by certain symptoms or possible "events" during pregnancy, it can also be bad to think on the outliers/extremes too much because it causes anxiety. A little bit of research; a lot of leaving Baby B's health and mine in God's hands.)

Each woman has her own story of symptoms, events, and thoughts during her pregnancy. I thought I'd share a few of mine so far in this journey.

• Napping is a REAL THING as an adult. I crave sleep in the middle of the day. Perhaps this is God's way of teaching my body to fill up on short-ish bits of sleep for when Baby B is here and I don't get a full night's sleep for awhile. Is there a way to bank all the hours of napping as a reserve for the future?
  NOTE: I've heard from numerous moms that the answer is NO.
  
• They're not joking when they say you'll have to pee more often - especially at night. Seriously. At even 5 1/2 months into the pregnancy, I was up pretty consistently at night every two hours to use the restroom. There was a night early on where I was up seven times. SEVEN times. Perhaps this is God's way of preparing me to get up every few hours for feeding Baby B...
  
• Yes, I'm more clumsy. And forgetful. Moreso than usual, anyways.
  
• I've experienced more strange things in my abdomen than ever before. A little bit of cramping, round ligament pain (sometimes pretty sharp), and now I have the joy of feeling sweet Baby B dancing/kickboxing/punching inside of me. It's the most amazing thing. There is no question this precious life is inside of me when I feel the movement. Sometimes I think he is rock climbing or something, especially when I feel him moving on both sides of my stomach simultaneously.
  
  
  
  
  
• Oh, my aching calves. I bet you thought I'd say something about sciatic or back pain. Well, I've already got that from before Baby B was formed, so I'm more in tune with additional pain. My calves started aching around 18 weeks, and my physical therapist said this is because of my growing belly and shifting center of gravity. I see lots of calf stretches for the duration of this pregnancy!
  
• Eating well is so important for mama and baby! Jacob is the protein king, and I've been taking lessons from him. You can read tons of guidelines (and *mandates*) for what to eat during pregnancy (and of course what not to eat, like my favorite deli sandwiches and goat cheese :( ). I got overwhelmed with looking at infographics of what to eat. Seriously, if I lived each day by those infographics, I'd be at the grocery store and spend about 4-5 hours cooking or meal-prepping everyday.
  
  Here are some of my go-to's:


• Eggs (scrambled, hard boiled, microwaved)
• Roasted veggies (broccoli with Tony's and cheese is a great way to get greens, calcium, and a little kick!; zucchini with Tony's is delicious, too, although a bit more spicy)
• Plain Greek yogurt mixed with cinnamon (I know, it's got a bite to it, but the cinnamon helps, and I know the protein and calcium are good for me and Baby B.)
• Wheat/fiber toast with nut butters (almond butter and natural peanut butter are my favorites)
• Chicken in all forms and fashions (crockpot, soup, salad, etc.)
• Apples (primarily Pink Ladies)
• Oatmeal (cooked and dry)
• Shelled pumpkin seeds (Sprouts is the place to be)
• Salmon (in moderation; foil wrapped and baked with olive oil, salt, and pepper)
• Banana smoothies with whey protein (Jacob buys the Gold Standard whey in Rocky Road, and it is so yummy with bananas and re-frozen to the consistency of ice cream)
• Quest bars (high protein, low sugar, dense, yummy, convenient! Oh, and you can find them at Bed Bath & Beyond and get a box for 20% off!)
  
  
  
  
  
  
• A little discomfort sleeping. Now that I'm in the third trimester, Little Mister is poking out enough to make even sleeping on my side uncomfortable at times, even with pillows. The weight of my bump sometimes pulls on my ribs on the side I'm not sleeping on, and it can be pretty achy. The heating pad is my friend.

Well, enough talk of symptoms and such. I take each one in stride because I know it is for a much greater purpose: Baby B! I would do anything for this child. I can't wait to see his precious little face in a few weeks!

Coming Soon: Baby B(oan)!

Wow! It sure is hard to keep such good news to ourselves for so long! Jacob and I are proud to announce that we are going to be parents in May 2016.

Okay, so now I can share all the things that I've been catching myself before posting or commenting on for the past 5+ months.

I thought for sure it would take us awhile to get pregnant for a number of reasons, but praise God it happened the first month! We found out pretty early on because I was supposed to have an MRI Arthrogram on my back/hip and wanted to make sure we weren't pregnant before having the MRI since it would not be good for the baby. I took a home pregnancy test about 5 days before my appointment, and it was negative. Then, I took another one about 2 days before...

...and there was a VERY faint line. My heart jumped! I kept the news to myself until I could get a blood test done at the doctor's office. Thankfully, there was a 10:00am time slot available that morning, so I made it in. The nurse told me she would call me by the end of the day with the results.

And the hours dragged on...

Around 4:00pm, I called to check in on the status of the test, and the nurse apologized, telling me the bloodwork actually had to be sent off for testing and that she would call me in the morning. Ah! I kept the news to myself that evening, though it was REALLY hard. I just wanted to make certain I knew for sure before telling Jacob (and cancelling the MRI).

The next morning, I got the call at 8:20am. The nurse said, "I've got good news - you're pregnant!"

And I screamed in her ear.

I was so excited! It was impossible to focus at work the rest of the day, and I could hardly wait until Jacob got home. I finalized my plan to tell him the good news and waited as the hours dragged on until 5:00pm. When he got home, I asked him about his day, and we chatted for a little while. Then, I pulled out my iPad and told him I wanted to show him a picture project I'd been working on (this is not surprising to those of you who know how much I enjoy taking pictures). One by one, I showed him each of the three pictures in the vertical collage below, filling the screen with only that picture:

He looked at me...then at the third picture...then at me...silence...followed by a slow smile. He said, "I need a minute to process." And then we went out to celebrate! 

Research

After things settled in a little bit, I started my research. I am one of those girls that didn't do much wedding planning in my mind before I got engaged (or was even in a relationship) because I didn't want to be disappointed if it didn't happen. Well, same thing with babies. I've seen stuff just because you can't avoid it on Pinterest or Facebook, but I didn't have a long list of registry items prepared or really much of an idea of the stages of development in the womb, etc.

I downloaded two apps on my phone: What to Expect and Baby Bump. Each of them have unique features such as showing you the size of the baby along the way (from poppyseed to appleseed to pea to blueberry to raspberry to olive to prune to lime to plume to peach - and that's just through the first trimester), tracking your measurements, providing tips for nausea and other pregnancy symptoms, etc.

"Morning" Sickness

I felt pretty certain I wouldn't have morning sickness. I literally have not thrown up since second grade. No joke. Well...I still haven't thrown up, but there have been times when I wish I could! I would say more than anything I went through a time of aversion to most foods. (Oh, and "morning" is a misnomer - it's all the time!) If you know me very well, you know I eat a banana/almond/cinnamon smoothie and oats every night. That didn't happen for the first 17 weeks! The aversions went away (mostly) by week 14, but it took awhile to work back into my old favorites. While it was not the most pleasant time, the aversions were manageable, and my sweet husband went out to get me crackers and Sprite. He's so good to me.

Yes, let's not forget dear Jacob. He took over major cleaning for the first trimester (since I can't breathe in cleaning products), finished painting our rental house to go up on the market (since I can't breathe in paint fumes), went on long walks with me, catered to my sometimes interesting cravings (in the first trimester, it was Indian food, banana pudding, and sweet potato and sea salt Triscuits), and has basically just been the best husband ever. Cheers for Jacob!

Doctor's Appointments

We decided not to get the genetic testing done which would also tell us gender much earlier than the normal 20-week ultrasound. This meant that at our 10 week appointment, there might be two options: 

1) My OB would use a Doppler to hear the baby's heartbeat, or 

2) If the heartbeat did not register on the Doppler, we would get our first ultrasound. 

Basically, insurance companies won't cover an ultrasound at 10 weeks unless you can't hear the heartbeat.

I went into the 10 week appointment with mixed feelings. I wanted to hear a heartbeat so I would know Baby B was okay for sure. But part of me wanted to not be able to hear the heartbeat so we could do the ultrasound. The OB brought in the Doppler and slid it around my abdomen for a few minutes, chatting and making light of the situation so I wouldn't be nervous. Then, she smiled kindly and said we had all the reason in the world to get the ultrasound. I was at a crossroads - both nervous and excited. What if something was wrong with Baby B and that is why we couldn't hear the heartbeat? 

We had to wait about 10 minutes for the ultrasound tech to get ready. When she called us into the room, I laid down on the chair, and Jacob stood by the screen. The tech prepped me and kept talking while she rubbed the cool jelly on my abdomen and started roaming around. 

THERE! I see Baby B! Oh my goodness - what a beautiful site! He/she was moving around, and we got to see the legs (those adorable, dangling legs) and lots of movement. In fact, at one moment, the tech was talking while we all watched, and then she became speechless: Baby B did a complete somersault in front of our eyes. How incredible!

She measured him/her to be 3.96 cm long with a heartbeat of 168, and she confirmed that the due date is sometime between May 7-11 2016. 

Speechless.

"For You created my inmost being;
You knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from You
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in Your book
before one of them came to be."

Psalm 139:13-16

Now, of course, we know Baby B is a BOY! A lot happens between week 10 and week 23!

(Request: Due to the timing of the joyous news of our pregnancy, I was not able to get the MRI Arthrogram as scheduled. Please pray for healing from pain so that I can be the strong, courageous Mama I want to be for Baby B! Our plan right now is to continue with the official diagnosis after Baby B is born and pursue treatment.)

Consider it pure joy

What was it that caused me to turn to James 1 this morning?

I think I was reflecting on joy and how I have some room for growth in that area, and I was wracking my brain for verses that could guide me. I don't know if you're like me, but my thoughts turn to "Consider it pure joy..." That's an easy-enough-to-remember intro to a verse that it sticks in my mind.

It's the rest of the passage that's hard.

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you..." (NIV)

I took a peek at The Message version since sometimes it helps provide a deeper understanding of the passage, and I was not disappointed.

"Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don't try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way..." (MSG)

What a rich, challenging passage. Not only are we to be joyful in the good times, but in the times when we face trials (struggles, testing, etc.). The biggest heart squeeze during today's reading of this passage was the encouragement not to "try to get out of anything prematurely" (or to "let perseverance finish its work"). How many times have I impatiently prayed for deliverance from a challenging situation? We've got to admit that we want life to be easy and comfortable. Plus, we compare ourselves to others - or at least what we perceive of others. What if we had the opportunity to walk through life with the person we thought "has it all going for them?" I bet we would be surprised at the struggles they face: relationally, financially, spiritually, physically.

Whatever it is we face, it can be a situation that will mature and develop us if we let it. If we don't let it, we find ourselves complaining our way through. We're impatient and not pleasant to be around. We become those people we don't care to be around because they bring us down. I want to choose an attitude of gratefulness and hope for the future, persevering through whatever challenges come my way.

And so I was convicted today. I pray this conviction takes root in my heart and displays itself through my attitude and actions.

Why we should journal

I don't know about you, but the older I get, the more I realize how important it is for me to journal about God's faithfulness and answered prayers. Otherwise, I end up very much like the Israelites - experiencing God's blessings one day and then forgetting them the next when things get tough.

Some people know about the pain I've been experiencing for the past year and others don't. It's a long story and kind of complicated, but I'll boil it down to sciatic / SI joint / piriformis spasming and pain. It keeps me from sitting (normally) for more than an hour at a time and gets progressively worse throughout the day. I'm at my best first thing in the morning after my body has had a night to relax and the muscles have calmed down.

Needless to say, not being able to sit comfortably for more than an hour at a time leads to some challenges and restrictions. I've found that lounging can be tolerable for awhile, and laying down for at least an hour in the middle of the day is absolutely necessary to get through the afternoon.

Throughout the past year as the pain has increased, I've seen numerous doctors and physical therapists. Each one has had something different to say (muscle spasms, hamstring insertion inflammation, loosey-goosey joints that lead to instability, hip over-rotated forward, piriformis syndrome, and many others). I've brainstormed for hours how to describe the pain. I've had my share of injuries, but this time around, it's been practically impossible to come up with the right adjectives for the type(s) of pain.

Days are sometimes long. Weeks longer. I have pretty tough "skin" when it comes to pain, and can push through a lot of things, but there are days when I get down and wonder if it will ever get better. If God hears my prayers.

And then, ever so patiently and sweetly, He responds.

Earlier this year, I was referred to a doctor in Dallas who specializes in this type of pain. If you Google it, his name and papers pop up. Long story short, I called the office to make an appointment, and I could not get in until November - he only takes two of my cases per month. To be honest, I cried on the phone when the receptionist told me the news.

But...November is finally here, and I had my first appointment today. This appointment was with the PA, and then I will see the doctor in December. To begin, he told me that he is from the small town in KS where our house is located (Olathe). Small world!

We got off on the right foot because he listened to me. Not like the 5 minutes a lot of doctors spend with you. Actually, the whole appointment was about an hour and a half. After the initial verbal run-down of issues, he looked at me calmly and said he wanted to affirm the pain because he's heard it before...rarely, but he's heard it.

(Finally, a physician who understands/believes me.)

Next was the physical evaluation. He did a lot of manipulation of my leg/hip and pushing on my nerve in different spots (ouch!), asking me questions about the level and type of pain <insert any number of adjectives to try to describe said pain>.

After he wrapped up the evaluation, it was time to talk through next steps. During the conversation, he asked me if I go to church. I told him yes, that I grew up at Hunter's Glen, had most recently been going to Stonebriar, but that my husband and I were looking for a church together and that we had settled on Watermark. He looked at me with a smile and said that he and his family go to Watermark (wow!). He said he was going to research some ministries that might be a good support for me while we try to figure out this whole pain thing.

After showing me some (more) stretches to do and talking through the next few months, he paused and said "I don't get to do this very often, but based on the circumstances and our conversation, may I pray for you?"

Stunned. Just stunned. And humbled.

Tears filled my eyes as he prayed for me, for my pain, for me and Jacob. What a special moment to experience a sweet gift from God at a time when I've been feeling isolated and anxious about the future.

So, here I am, journaling about His faithfulness and presence...to remind myself in those moments when the isolation and anxiety creep back in.

Praise God.

All I Have is Christ

The lyrics to this song capture my heart's posture this morning. There really isn't anything else to say..."Oh Father, use my ransomed life...In any way You choose..."

VERSE 1
I once was lost in darkest night
Yet thought I knew the way
The sin that promised joy and life
Had led me to the grave
I had no hope that You would own
A rebel to Your will
And if You had not loved me first
I would refuse You still

VERSE 2
But as I ran my hell-bound race
Indifferent to the cost
You looked upon my helpless state
And led me to the cross
And I beheld God’s love displayed
You suffered in my place
You bore the wrath reserved for me
Now all I know is grace

CHORUS
Hallelujah! All I have is Christ
Hallelujah! Jesus is my life

VERSE 3
Now, Lord, I would be Yours alone
And live so all might see
The strength to follow Your commands
Could never come from me
Oh Father, use my ransomed life
In any way You choose
And let my song forever be
My only boast is You

Once in a lifetime

It's not very often that we realize we have a once in a lifetime moment with someone we love. Whether it be an exciting, memory-making event or a comfortable evening curled up on the couch together, we assume we have a lifetime of these experiences. 

In contrast, we may only have "now" to ask for forgiveness or to forgive. How many of us regret words spoken in haste...or words left unspoken? 

And how many of us regret withholding ourselves emotionally and relationally, putting work or pride first or just assuming we could dig deep with our loved one "later?"

It is easy for us to settle with focusing on ourselves - how we feel and what is the easiest thing for us - instead of remembering that life here on earth is temporary.

"How do you know what your life will be like tomorrow? Your life is like the morning fog - it's here a little while, then it's gone." James 4:14

I continue to be reminded of the brevity of life as I see stories of suffering and death every day. That could be me or someone I love today...or tomorrow. I don't want to look back and wish I'd soaked up each moment instead assuming I'd have another one tomorrow.

Lord, teach me to make the most of the time I have with the people I love and where You've placed me in this breath of life on earth (Psalm 90:12).

The Golden Rule

How many of us can rattle off the "Golden Rule" like the ABC's?

"So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you..." (Matthew 7:12).

And yet, do we really know what it means? This morning, the pastor challenged us to consider our understanding of this command in light of the fact that familiarity often breeds misunderstanding. When we are super-familiar with a concept, it is easy to check out and not really think about it. We've heard it so often and feel certain that we've got it down. For example, we know we're supposed to do to others as we want them to do to us. Maybe we've boiled that down to simply not doing bad things to other people - that's easy enough, right? If we don't do bad to someone else, they won't do bad to us...?

Familiarity also means we usually limit our thinking to the most recent and most comfortable version of the concept. When we're familiar with something, we don't challenge ourselves to consider it from different perspectives - you see it through the lens you've always seen it through, right or wrong. Along with the previous example, not doing bad is easier and more comfortable than the proactive call of the verse: to do good. If we limit the command in Matthew 7:12, to simply not doing evil, we could satisfy it by really not doing anything. 

What if we sought not to avoid doing wrong but allowed this command to stir us to action? To do good? What if we stopped viewing life from the most comfortable perspective and instead chose to look for ways to love and serve others? It involves sacrifice and humility. It takes us out of our comfort zone and puts us in challenging situations. It's draining and hard...

...and rejuvenating and uplifting. We can gain our strength from the acceptance and grace of God because He first loved us (1 John 4:19). We did not have to earn His love. What a relief! I could not do it out of my own strength. 

So may we take the initiative to look for ways to do good to others without expecting anything in return. 

"Love is willing self-sacrifice for the god of another that doesn't demand reciprocation or that the person being loved is deserving." -Paul David Tripp