From Frustration to Faith: Trusting God with My Crohn’s Disease

Do you ever feel stuck? Does it seem as though you’re wandering in a wilderness with no escape?

Many things in life can contribute to this feeling:

• Losing a job

• Losing a loved one

• Unanswered prayer

• Facing a chronic health condition

We all experience many different things in life, but oftentimes we can empathize with those around us facing trials.

My life hurdle in this season is facing Crohn’s disease. Before my diagnosis, I went through a myriad of medical tests and tried many approaches to alleviating my symptoms such as the MRT food sensitivity test, going dairy- and gluten-free, and cooking every meal from scratch. There is more to the story of how I arrived at the diagnosis of Crohn’s disease, but I’ll save those details for another time.

One of the challenges with Crohn’s disease is knowing what to eat. Every person is different. Some can handle cruciferous vegetables; some cannot. Some can tolerate dairy; some cannot. Some can eat nuts and seeds; some cannot. It feels like a game of Russian roulette because when you try certain foods, you have no idea whether they will go down without issue or cause a flare of your symptoms.

In the past few weeks, I’ve become discouraged. Currently, I quite literally eat the same foods every day (smoothie and bone broth for breakfast, pureed carrots or squash with fish for lunch, and steamed vegetables, chicken, and avocado for dinner). There is little variety in flavor or amount of food. Almost all my food is pureed, with the exception of soft proteins and greens that are steamed to mush. My inflammation rates are low according to bloodwork, but I still have symptoms almost daily.

I found myself complaining in my head (and sometimes aloud) about my daily menu, comparing what I can eat to what my family and friends eat. It just didn’t seem fair.

Then I realized I sounded like the Israelites. God rescued them from slavery to the Egyptians, guided them safely across the Red Sea, and traveled with them day and night, yet they complained about what they did not have in the wilderness. I reached for my Bible and looked up Bible verses about God providing manna for the Israelites. Although I was familiar with the basics, a review of the details struck a chord with my current situation:

• The Israelites grumbled against the Lord and wished they were back in slavery because the food was better (Exodus 16:3 ESV)

• God provided a solution that sustained their bodies in the wilderness (Exodus 16:4-5)

• The Israelites ate manna for 40 years until they “came to a habitable land” (Exodus 16:35)

Wow. How I resonate with the Israelites. When I compare myself to others (or even to myself just a few years ago), I wish I was in a different situation. However, when I focus on the love of God and His provision in my life (loving family, food I can eat however limited, medical tests and treatment), my frustration morphs into faith. God continues to provide. Even if I must eat these same foods for 40 more years, my body will be nourished, and I can enjoy each day with my family, doing the work He has set in front of me for each season.

If you are faced with a limited list of foods your body tolerates due to food sensitivities, autoimmune disease, or any other limiting conditions, be encouraged. We can reach out to God - cry out to Him. He hears us. He may not intervene and change our situation, but He can comfort us and change our hearts and attitudes. May we trust in His faithfulness to provide what we need when we need it.

Is Heaven for real?

Do you think about Heaven?

I wasn't planning to spend a majority of the day with Heaven on my mind, but it sort of worked out that way, and I'm glad it did. Many people today would say, "You're young! Focus on what's in front of you and what you can achieve here and now. There will be plenty of time for you to think about Heaven down the road."

If you know James, you know he would disagree,

"And now I have a word for you who brashly announce, “Today—at the latest, tomorrow—we’re off to such and such a city for the year. We’re going to start a business and make a lot of money.” You don’t know the first thing about tomorrow. You’re nothing but a wisp of fog, catching a brief bit of sun before disappearing. Instead, make it a habit to say, “If the Master wills it and we’re still alive, we’ll do this or that.”

Mom and Dad gave me Randy Alcorn's book Heaven for Easter. I'm a few chapters in and have already learned so much. This is one of those books that really helps you understand what you've read in so many different parts of the Bible because it pulls everything together. One of the great analogies I came across in the book today was written by C.S. Lewis:

"Women sometimes have the problem of trying to judge by artificial light how a dress will look by daylight. That is very like the problem for all of us: to dress our souls not for the electric lights of the present world but for the daylight of the next. The good dress is the one that will fact that light. For that light will last longer" (58).

This also makes me think of shopping for the in-style clothes that are often cheaply made. They keep you in the latest fashion but won't last through the seasons. They will become outdated and require frequent replacing. However, if you invest in a classic, well-made article of clothing, it will outlast all the others.

It is this way with dressing our souls. We should invest our time and energy preparing (dressing) our souls for eternity and not just for today or tomorrow.

After spending some time in Heaven (reading about it, rather), I saw the movie "Heaven Is For Real" with my family. It was a sweet movie that asked some very serious questions:

• Is Heaven real?
• What is Jesus like?
• Will we recognize each other in Heaven?
• Do we really believe what the Bible says about Heaven?

I always enjoy going to movies like this one with my family and friends because it gives us a chance to discuss and affirm each other. There has been a lot of discussion about "religious" movies lately. I think that as long as you know what you believe (and can support it with Scripture), these movies can be an encouragement and spur great conversation.

So, I'll ask it again: Do you think about Heaven? If not, I challenge you to spend some time thinking about it. Life on earth can be really good...but going Home will be beyond words. I can't wait to go Home. Sara Groves says it well in her song "Going Home:"

I’ve been feeling kind of restless
I’ve been feeling out of place
I can hear a distant singing
A song that I can’t write
But it echoes of what I’m always trying to say 

There’s a feeling I can’t capture
It’s always just a prayer away
I want to know the ending
Things hoped for but not seen
But I guess that’s the point of hoping anyway 

Of going home, I’ll meet you at the table
Going home, I’ll meet you in the air
And you are never too young to think about it
Oh, I cannot wait to be home 

I’m confined by my senses
To really know what you are like
You are more than I can fathom
And more than I can guess
And more than I can see with human sight 

But I have felt you with my spirit
I have felt you fill this room
And this is just an invitation
Just a sample of the whole
And I cannot wait to be going home 

Going home, I’ll meet you at the table
Going home, I’ll meet you in the air
And you are never too young to think about it
Oh, I cannot wait to be going, to be going home

The bassoon and the Bible

I am a bassoonist.

Upon first read, many of you may wonder if this is an admission to some sort of disease or phobia. Is it a point of view or a recent fad?

No, my friends. It means I play the bassoon. I was first introduced to this extraordinary instrument in 1997 as a wide-eyed fifth grader exploring the instruments I had to choose from for beginning band class (read about this experience and more here). During my first three years of playing, my private lesson teacher assigned me to buy an etude book that, looking back, was way out of my league. Even with a background in piano and choir, I did not understand half of the musical markings in the book, I knew how to finger only a fraction of the notes, and I had little-to-no concept of the musicality such an advanced book required.

Why would she assign this expert level book to me?

Potential.

She believed I had the potential and capacity to learn those markings, fingerings, and the necessary understanding of musicality. She saw beyond my limited skills to what could be. She knew that over the next sixteen years, I would develop the necessary technique on the bassoon to be able to play these challenging studies.

I slaved over the etudes in those early years, employing all sorts of techniques in an effort to just get through them (writing note names above every note in tenor clef sections, etc.).

Milde "50 Concert Studies, Opus 26, Nos. 1-25 Vol. I for Bassoon

As with most things we do not understand or find "too challenging," I decided I didn't like the music in that book. The fact was, I just did not have the experience yet to be able to succeed at playing these pieces or appreciate them for the challenge and beauty they offered.

Fast-forward sixteen years.

The other day, I came back to this etude book. I found that the fingerings that used to plague me now flowed easily. The clef changes didn't phase me a bit. I was able to transition between moods and styles in the etudes as though they were my own. What a difference a few years and a great amount of experience make.

Isn't it like this in our understanding of the Bible, as well? As children, we study the stories that are easy - the ones we can grasp. We avoid the ones that seem to pose more questions than they provide answers or that challenge us in ways we are not yet mature enough or ready to face. Then, as years go by and experiences build our spiritual "muscles," we not only begin to understand these more challenging stories, but we also see the "easy" stories with a different perspective:

• Noah's ark is about more than saving two of every kind of animal.
• The Ten Commandments are more than a list of things to do or not to do.
• Daniel and the lion's den was not just a story about God shutting the mouths of hungry lions.
• David's victory over Goliath was not the end of his battles.

I wonder how the next sixteen years will shape my understanding of the bassoon and the Bible?